I Heart Ludacris

It is my belief that you can make any song better just by featuring Ludacris.

That's Your Favorite Song?

Isn't it funny that of all the songs to choose from, if you asked and I really thought about it, my all time favorite song would be "Rhythm of the Night," by DeBarge? Really? I couldn't pick anything better? But I frickin' love that song! I get happy whenever I hear it. I was three it came out. Well, DeBarge, be happy knowing someone out there still loves and appreciates you.

Hilarity At Shopko

I'm at Shopko for an eye exam. After I'm done, I cruise around the store for a few minutes. Well, I'm browsing in the book section, which is located right behind electronics. All of a sudden this women starts calling for help. It didn't really register with me at first, I just vaguely noticed it. Then she starts increasing in volume, calling "Help, help, somebody help me!" It was then that it kinda clicked that this woman is calling for help, something could totally be wrong, and I'm a nurse who is just standing here reading the backs of books. So I dart around the corner to see what's wrong. And it's a woman standing next to one of those customer service phones near electronics. And she's tried to call someone to her area, but no one came. So she thought it'd be more effective to just stand there yelling for help until someone showed up. The point where I just lost it was when she goes, "Help, help! Does anybody work here? I'm not leaving!" It was some funny stuff. I just couldn't believe that bitch was just standing there hollering.

Check It Out

Check out the new xkcd link. Doesn't this totally sound like me? God, I want to punch somebody. As usual, not for any particular reason. Just to see what it feels like.

Product Review:Dyson Ball

This is hands down the best thing I've ever bought in my life. This vacuum sucks like a high priced call girl. I vacuum pretty obsessively and I still got a whole canister's worth of crap out of my rug. And not just dog hair, but a shit load of dust and digustingness. It was awesome. And it works great on the wood floor, too. Knowing that I ever walked on my floor in bare feet gives me the willies.Totally and completely worth the cost, which I won't mention. Let's just say I went on a bit of a spending spree this weekend and the vacuum became a large part of that.

So....

I kinda passed my telemetry test. Maybe my response was a bit overblown. Though I felt that way at the time.

The Crowd Goes Wild!!

Back for their annual winter appearance, your favorite band and mine, it's.....FUNKY WINTER LIP RASH!!!!!! So, that might not make sense to most of you. Background story: every winter, for a few days, my lips get super dry and turn bright red and rashy looking. It's totally gross and nothing helps. I was complaining about it one day and referred to it as my funky winter lip rash. A former coworker said it sounded like the name of a hard rock 80s hair band. So now, every time I get it, I say that Funky Winter Lip Rash is touring again. I'm weird. I accept this.

Why...

... do people say 'needless to say' before they say what doesn't need saying? I mostly ask because I've used this phrase twice today. And I may have heard this same argument on tv. God, I really need spring to come.

I Still Can't Sit Down

Why, do you ask? Because my asshole is still sore after being raped by that telemetry test. Yet again, Erica learns that she needs to stop putting shit off until the last minute. Though let's be honest, it's gotten me by for 27 years. Why actually put forth my best effort now?

A Mountain Dog? Really?

Bernie and I were walking this morning and he saw this 5 foot pile of snow that he felt he just had to climb. Not considering it's been warm and that the snow was crumbly and hollowed out in spots. Can I tell you how hilarious it was when he started climbing up and totally busted his junk? This was his best fall yet: all four legs totally splayed out, head in the snow. And the look on his face was priceless. To give him his due, he got up and kept climbing. Good stuff. What a dope.

Hilarious

Check out my cousin, Amir. He's rockin' it out to "Thriller." It's good stuff. He's so into it, it cracks me up. And that would be my aunt and cousin rolling laughing in the background.

Ahh, Winter

It's getting to be that time of year where I hate everything and everyone. I want nothing more than to spew anger, bitterness and violence into everybody's face. We're going to call it Seasonal Affective Disorder instead of being a bitch. In related news, I definitely think I'm going to try karate lessons. I feel it would be a good outlet in which to channel my rage.

*Gasp*

I was on the RuPaul's Drag Race website tonight. And you can totally upload a photo of yourself and get "dragulated". I don't know about y'all, but as I tend to consider myself a gay man in a woman's body, I must know what I look like as a drag queen. In related news, I must own this t-shirt: http://shop.logoonline.com/RuPauls-Drag-Race-Dont-F-It/M/B003625MM0.htm

Snickers Fudge

I shouldn't have. But I did. And I only marginally regret it.

Ewww

Did anyone watch "How I Met Your Mother" last week? When we discover all the toothbrush sharing that's been going on? That shit is gross. I don't care if you've been married for 30 years and your mouth has been in places that have never seen the light of day. Afterwards, you need to brush your nasty ass mouth with your own toothbrush. I apologize for the visual images I've induced in order to voice my opinion.

Honeymoon

The "New Dog Honeymoon" phase of my relationship with Bernie is officially over. We're now into the "Everything You Do is Irritating the Piss Out of Me" stage. Feed me , walk me, pick up my poop. Yes, Bernie, please wake me up at 6:30 in the morning just to say hi. That's awesome. Yes, Bernie, I understand that it's time for breakfast. May I please pee for 30 seconds without you whining and pacing outside the door? Oh yeah, Bernie! It makes perfect sense walk into traffic when a car is coming. Stellar idea!! Serenity now.