Fool Me Once, Shame On You

Bernie fooled me twice and the shame is definitely on me. For some reason I thought it'd be okay to keep the bread on the counter again instead of in the cabinet. Apparently Bernie was okay with this decision, as he once again ate the entire loaf. I didn't get one bloody slice.

Epic Fail

Weight Watchers and I apparently just aren't friends anymore. Can we say Whopper for breakfast?

I'm Over It

I promise not to eat anyone's face if they try to talk to me. And I've yet again made my frequent vow to be a nicer person. We'll see how long it lasts this time.

I Scream, You Scream

Have you ever just wanted to scream uncontrollably for no reason? Except that you can and that you hate the world? (I'm a real Debbie Downer right now)

Warning

Maybe I should have made it clear to everyone that I'm in the world's worst fucking mood this week. I would highly suggest that I be left the fuck alone. Try me on Monday; I may not eat your face off.

Let's Exclaim!

I hate authors that excessively use exclamation points! Why is everything so exciting?! In the series I'm reading now (young adult fantasy novels, of course!) the author uses them in every conversation! Can we tone it down, please?! Maybe it's a British thing!

Nature Hates Me

A stupid bird got stuck in my three season porch today. I hate birds. Why is nature intent on ambushing me? And it took the stupid bastard forever to get out. Hello birdie, those are windows! Fly out the fuckin' door I propped open for you!

A Doggy Friend

There has been some debate over whether or not Bernie needs a doggy pal. I've been skeptical. We already have a routine and we're so lazy and that bastard is so expensive. Do we really need another dog, especially in a house that's barely 1000 square feet? Well, I was searching on Petfinder this morning. And this guy is so perfect that I'm seriously considering adopting him. Check out Archie: http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16176660. Isn't he so cute? And he only has one eye! He could be a pirate for Halloween! He has one eye and Bernie has cataracts; they're a match made in heaven. Hmmm....

$340

That's the cost of peace of mind, i.e. getting my house sealed up to prevent mice from getting in. My awesome overtime paycheck lasted about 12 hours. Though now I have to deal with knowing that I'm sealed in with any remaining mice. Ugh.

My Life Is Over

I have now caught two mice in my basement. That is two mice too many. And the second one was bigger than the first, so there is probably a whole family of them breeding in the basement and I feel like they're crawling on me right now and I want to move. A website said if you have one you have more but I didn't want to believe it. My house is getting cleaned to within an inch of it's life ASAP! And is it unreasonable, after two mice, to call Critter Control and have them come de-mouse and seal my house? I seriously want to vomit. What if one gets in my bed? Or falls on me from somewhere? Do mice have Spiderman feet and can climb things? Can they climb stairs? They're probably in the walls! Ew, ew, ew, ew ,ewww!!!!