Let's Get Real

The best thing about winter isn't the holidays, or snow, or spending time with your family. It's slow hair growth. I haven't shaved my armpits in a week and a half and you can barely tell. Whoo-whoo!!

Why Can't I Just Punch People?

I wish assault wasn't illegal. Not in an "it's okay to beat my spouse and children" kind of way. But in an "I should be able to join in a bar fight and leave without someone pressing charges" kind of way. I'm really looking for a way to punch someone in the face without any consequences.

Follow-up

There is a reason why I did a Wikipedia search of The Lion King. I wanted to know what language was chanted in "Circle of Life." I didn't say it was a good reason. The answer is Zulu, by the way.

Why I Shouldn't Read, Part One

I love mystery and suspense novels. The problem with my reading them is I have a serious case of paranoia. It's not something that overshadows my life or anything. But I shouldn't read books where the government does experiments on people, or politicians are involved in sex rings or cops take money from drug lords, or religious cults have sex with kids. Because that shit happens for real. I'm particularly bad with books where obscenely wealthy people are in weird societies and clubs. The scenarios go on and on. These books definitely contribute to my crazy because they color my view of people. I'm like the person that can't distinguish an actor from the roles they play. I'm super paranoid and pretty much don't trust anyone in a position of power. I'm terrified that I'm going to accidentally cross some rich dude or government official or drug lord and have my existence erased. Or get shot. What's my theme song again? What's hilarious about this is that I'm totally antisocial and barely hang out with my friends, let alone with anyone with that kind of power.

Are You For Real?

Are y'all aware that a hyena researcher sued Disney for defamation of character? Because he/she didn't feel that the hyenas were portrayed in an accurate and positive light? And another wanted to boycott the movie as a way of helping preserve hyenas in the wild? Folks are freaking ridiculous. And once again, thank you Wikipedia.

My Number One Pet Peeve

I completely understand that my speech is almost impossible to comprehend. My pitch is alternating too high or too low, I speak way too fast, I mumble, and I add extra vowels to words. I know that I need a speech therapist. All that being said, I hate, Hate, HATE when people nod, smile and pretend to understand what I'm saying. I know it's annoying but just ask me to repeat myself. Tell me to speak up or slow down. Just don't be a dick about it.