Favorite Quotes Of 2014

*My flannel game was tight.

*I'm gonna make 'em cry, alright. Cry like they're going through a haunted house. A haunted house called life. 

*Waah, I have a head in my vagina!

*Flim flams and jibble jabbles.

*Behind every good man is a ride or die kinda bitch.

*This is some bullshit. Shit to the bull.

*If grateful paid the bills, we'd all be Bill Gates. 

*Behind every strong man is a cunt faced witch monster. 

*You'll be Denzel Clooney Kodjoe Chesnut!

*That fool stayed having the munchies. 

*Talk about a bitch who could serve some face.

*I think you try to mask your Tourette's syndrome with sarcasm. You actually have a problem.

*I'm the bitch love something to who!

*You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things. Because you are the special. 

Dear Gingerbread Twix

Where have you been all my life?

Sincerely,

Erica

This Happened

I may have walked up to my pregnant friend (shout out to Carlos!) while she was sitting in a rolling chair, grabbed the arms, rolled her around and yelled, "Shaken baby syndrome!" I am the worst person ever.

Things Said To Myself In The Mirror

Bitch, stop smiling! I'm sick of your smiling ass face.

Radio Silence

Anyone who both texts me and reads this blog (does such a person exist?): I am on radio silence until Monday. Just to prove I can be.  Also, because I have a texting addiction. I will not be checking or answering text messages. If you really need to talk to me, call. But this should be for emergent purposes only. Peace out bitches, talk you to you on the other side.

**Update 12/20: Epic fail. Why did I even bother? I thought I had a resolution to stop lying to myself? **

Random Question Of The Day

Am I the only person that puts on one sock and shoe at a time? I mean, versus putting on both socks and then both shoes? I just feel like I need to complete the process on one side before moving on. It's kinda funny, cuz more often than not I get distracted and walk around with one foot barefoot and the other ready to go. Like am I now, as I got distracted writing this post...

Judgmental

Is it weird that I don't feel I'm as judgmental as everyone seems to think I am? Don't get me wrong, I sincerely love talking tall shit. Alright, I'll mock you if I think your kid has a dumb name. Or if you're white with dreadlocks. And hello, how can I not point out the foolywang in the crowd? Okay, I tend to have frequent strong opinions that no one wants to hear. And if you did ask my opinion, don't expect me to sugarcoat my response. Huh, the more I think about it, I do judge people a lot. Hmmm, let's say I'm judgy. That doesn't sound as harsh. But y'all all realize that I don't really give shit what you do, right? I'm a big believer in finding what makes you happy, whatever that is, and own that shit. Do you, boo. Who gives a fuck what I or anyone else has to say?

Random Memory

I was in high school. The National Honor Society organized a volunteer project where we all took shifts wrapping gifts at the mall. Some guy brought in this big ass irregularly shaped gift basket from Bath and Body Works. But he was too cheap to buy a box to put it in. So I seriously did the shittiest job you can imagine. Not out of spite. There was just no way to wrap this thing. And he had to nerve to roll in with an attitude when he saw it. Really? What exactly did you expect when you signed up for free gift wrapping from high school students?

Things I Sang To Myself (And Why I'm Single)

"So I'm a bit of a fixer upper...no I'm not, I'm perfect." And then I laughed maniacally.