OMG!!!

Oh my God, buying a house today. Am I crazy?!?!

I Don't Approve

What do you know, more things I don't approve of. Still haven't fixed that whole being negative thing. Anyways, I do not approve of man pajamas. Pardon me, but they look gay. I'm specifically referring to two piece matched pajamas sets in any material other than cotton or flannel. Satin and silk being exceptionally gay. Though the cotton and flannel ones are pretty lame too. And only to be used when it's really cold out. I feel that the only acceptable pajamas for a man are pajamas bottoms/boxers/briefs with a wife beater or t-shirt/undershirt. None at all is also okay. Leave the silkies in the store. You're not Hef.

Let's Brainstorm

I need to get in the Guinness Book of World Records. Let's think of what we can do to make this happen.

I'm Dying

It was nice knowing y'all. With my last words I want to say that Lisa poisoned me.

What Happened?

Seriously, what has happened to the trilogy? Why are authors making series that have four books instead of three? Here I am, reading Brisingr, when I find out there will be a fourth and final book in the Inheritance Trilogy!! Don't call it a trilogy and lie to me!! I was all ready to read the last chapter, despite the fact that I'm only 1/4 of the way into the book, thinking I could get an idea of the conclusion, and it was stolen from me!! If I'd known there was another book, I would've waited to read the series until I could do them all in a row. The same thing happened to me with the Twilight books, curse you Stephanie Meyer (hope some tweens don't kill me). And damn you Christopher Paolini (not really, I'm secretly glad I have another book to look forward to)!!! In other unrelated news, there has been report of a Level 2 Geek Alert.

The Many Uses Of "Shit"

Do you ever think of sayings people use that make little sense? And how so many of them use the word "shit"? Let's discuss.

• "Shit eating grin" -why would you be grinning if you're eating shit? That's really gross.
• "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"-anyone seen Old School *correction Happy Gilmore*? Again, who eats shit? And for breakfast? Way to ruin the best meal of the day.
• How about "going apeshit"? Umm. I don't think ape shit performs any kind of function that a one can mimic or imitate.
• "Built like a brick shit house"-this phrase it mostly just outdated. Though it's actually one of my favorites. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is built like a brick shit house. And I want to bite him.
• "Tough shit" or "you're full of shit"- can be a problem. I'm a nurse, I should know. But I don't believe we use these phrases literally.
• "Shitshow"- I think of it as kinda like a clusterfuck, but involving alcohol. Another favorite of mine.
• "My 'fill-in-the-blank' took a shit"- I blame this phrase entirely on Joanie. Along with the exclamation of "I just about shit my pants!"

Yeah, I think that's enough for now. And looking at this list, it's not that they all don't make sense so much as I just like to take things literally. I found there is a book about the uses of the word shit. Maybe I should own it.

What's Our Opinion?

Can I pull these off, kickin' it old school?

• http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=19850&vid=1&pid=662114&scid=662114002

I'm gonna say yes.

Seriously

Why do kids eat Cheerios? Not that they aren't tasty but Kix are like 1000x better. So what you can 't buy little fancy Kix-shaped bowls. Hello, they're kid tested and mother approved. Smarten up toddlers, Cheerios are for lame-os.

Do You Know What I Love?

Free stuff from iTunes. This sounds familiar. Maybe I've discussed this already. Meh, always worth another go.Anyways, I don't even care what it is. Ever week, faithfully, I download my free song and video. I've also started downloading any free tv shows they offer. Again, I don't care if I never watch the show or listen to that artist ever again. It's free. And I love it. Especially after all the money I've spent on iTunes over the years.

No Thanks

No thank you, spam mail. While I appreciate the offer, I'm going to choose not to enlarge my penis today. But really, tomorrow may be it, so keep sending those e-mails daily. Super.

Grrr

I fuckin' hate driving on Willy St. Everyone is so goddamned slow and in my way. It's for this reason (amongst others, number one being I can't drive) that it's good I drive a Civic and not a Hummer. I just want to mow down everyone in my path. Ah, rage. Good stuff.

A Moment Of Silence

For my cell phone. It officially took a shit. And sadly, at it's memorial service (this blog), I have nothing good to say about it. Peace out, craptastic Motorola Razr.

Oops

I accidentally missed my 100th blog post. My bad. But happy 103rd blog spot!! Which is this one. Which isn't much of a post. Crappy celebration.

Why I'm A Horrible Person

I just saw Noah Wyle on a commercial for WWF, encouraging us to help save the polar bears from extinction. And I could only laugh. Not that I don't feel bad for polar bears. Kinda sucks that their homes are essentially melting away. And they're supposedly eating each other for food. But watching Noah Wyle with his serious face on was just amusing to me. He probably doesn't even care. He probably just thought, "Oh, I'll help the peons for a minute and pretend to like animals, then go off and spend my millions on things that use up a bunch of energy." For shame.

Yeah!

The home inspection went very well. I kinda got a cream puff house. Aside from a few OCD, I'm neurotic things that bother me, the inspector didn't have much to say. Though he did say I'm an inspector-in-training, as I was a big fan of opening and closing things, and turning them on and off. Get ready for a painting party ladies!!! Sometime in July. Though I'll warn you now, I don't have central air. So painting in July should be interesting. I'll keep smelling salts around in case any of you pass out. I'm so excited!! And I just can't hide it! Yeah!

So

My diet has been painfully non-existent post-Hawaii. But June 1st changes all that (supposedly). I feel like a blimp. And when I wear scrub pants, I look and feel like an encased sausage. And my boobs are ridiculous. This will not do. As part of my new efforts, I am completely banning myself from sweets. And I know you shouldn't ignore cravings, because they can become worse and make you eat other crap, only, many calories later, to eat what you wanted in the first place anyways. But you know what, I'll fulfill those craving 50 pounds from now. I hear that the first three days are the worst. Ignore me if I have the shakes. Also, if you offer me sweets, and I attempt to eat your face, you'll know why. It'd be a more pleasant experience for me if you sprinkle some sugar on it first.

Commercials

Do you ever sit and think about the people that come up with commercials? I picture a bunch of marketing people in power suits hanging around a big oval table (think Mad Men), just shooting ideas back and forth until someone has a 'Eureka' moment (which used to be my uncle's nickname for me, btw). And what I think about is, who actually thought some of these things were good ideas? Like, "Yeah, let's create this really creepy animated Chester Cheetah to sell Cheetos! We'll make millions!" Or you'll just make me really uncomfortable whenever I see him. But clearly I remember the commercials well enough to complain about them, so I guess they've done part of their job. And the creepy commercials haven't made Cheetos less delicious.

Peas

Happy Birthday, Rachel!!!! And for those that don't know, the title is in reference to Rachel being peas to my carrots. Anyways, have a kickass day!!!!