The Ultimate In Selfishness

First, I should apologize. I've been a moody, sour puss bitchface for about a week. And sorry to tell you, I don't see it letting up anytime soon. I've been mostly upbeat and pleasant for 27 years. I think I'm due. Can't tell you when it will get better. If you don't like it, I probably wouldn't talk to me for the next few weeks. Anyway, that's not what makes me selfish. That's due to the fact that I've officially decided I don't want to talk to happy people anymore about there happy little lives. So if you have good news and life is all sunshine and moonbeams and rainbows, I don't care. And you can shove them where the sun don't shine. You're entitled to your happiness, just talk to other people about it. Personally, I'm only going to be spewing bitterness, sarcasm and cynicism. Good thing I don't feel there are that many people that care about my opinion. Otherwise there would be the potential for a lot of hurt feelings. Enjoy.

Mascara

I'm obsessed. I can't stop buying it, hoping that this one will be perfect. Something will make my short, stubby, obscenely curly eyelashes look long and amazing. So, I am the current owner of 7 different kinds of mascara. Who needs that much mascara? I'll think I'm done, but then I'll see another commercial and I'm convinced this one will give me Snuffleupagus-like eyelashes. But something is always wrong. The brush is too soft or too stiff. The mascara is too thick and dry or too wet. Why do I think about this so much? Do I really want to emphasize my ginormous eyes? Anyway, in case your wondering, the current fav is Bare Escentuals Buxom Lash ($18). Totally kicks ass. Though that didn't stop me from buying new mascara yesterday.

Question

What does Seal do? Aside from being married to Heidi Klum and making unattractive babies? When did he last put out an album? I personally haven't a heard a song from him since 'Kissed by a Rose' a billion years ago. But according to Wikipedia, he's totally still putting out albums. And he had a song nominated for a Grammy in 2007. Seriously? When is this happening? Am I the only one completely out of the loop (as usual)?

Pathetic

I've reached a new low. I actually went to Dejope and played $25 worth of slots in order to try and win money to buy a house. Is that not the saddest thing you've ever heard (relatively speaking)? And, despite my sending positive thoughts into the universe, I was completely unsuccessful. On top of that, their slots totally suck. They're these weird bingo slots that I didn't understand in any way. Where's the Wheel? Next in line is to buy lotto tickets. Victory, and a kickass new home, will be mine!!!! But not today. As usual, I consoled myself and ate my feelings with an orange coconut scone from Lazy Jane's. Ah, disappointment was never so delicious.

What I Aspire To

http://xkcd.com/72/

Life Sucks Balls

That's it.

You Know You're A Touch Odd...

...when you catch yourself standing in front of the bathroom mirror, in your underwear, applying make-up, while singing and doing the Time Warp Dance.

Revisiting Our Goals for 2009

So peeps, I ain't doing so hot with my goals. We're already more than a third into the year. I went back and took a look at them. Let's see what can still be done.

1. '90 in '09'. I've lost 10 in '09. Not acceptable. But not giving up. I could totally still get at least 50 off. Sending positive thoughts into the universe.
2. Learn how to play my guitar. Haven't worked on this at all. And if I do work on it, I can only teach myself from a book, as getting guitar lessons goes against resolution number 4. Unless I can barter sexual favors.
3. Take impromptu trips. Yeah, that also violates number 4. I'll probably be keeping my poor ass at home. Except for Ballerfest '09, of course.
4. Get out of debt and save money. I'm definitely in less debt but there is some lingering. And no, I didn't buy that beautiful purple bag. But shoutout to Rebekah for encouraging me to do so. Everyone else was a hater.
5. Buy a home. Despite all haters, this will happen. I refuse to rent again. And I'm officially ready to rock. I've actually found a few places that fit my requirements. Let just hope they're still available this summer. And the bank hooks me up. And it's officially a house. Screw buying a condo. I can find a condo I'll tolerate but I can find a house I'll love. And I'm not gonna deny buying myself beautiful things now to buy a place I'll only like.
6. Buying a dog is definitely still a go. Though it will probably be a rescue dog. Whether he'll answer to Sweetums is something I can't know. Rupert, his doggie friend, probably wouldn't come for another year or two.
7. Lastly, take up a new hobby. Can't promise this will happen. Unless it's an extremely cheap hobby. Or maybe teaching myself the guitar can be it. Though I was hoping for a more active and less sedentary activity. We'll see, I guess.

That's our update. Pretty piss poor, as far as I'm concerned. It's time to man up and grow a pair.

My Theory of Friendships

It's not really a theory so much as how I catalog things in my mind. So, I mentally picture each of my friendships as that person and I being interlocking circles. Easy to figure out. If I get along with someone really well, our circles overlap more. If we're just acquaintances, maybe just our edges overlap. And obviously everyone is subject to change. Say I think I know someone really well and then they start talking crazy; they have to be completely re-cataloged. Those circles just slide back apart. And because I'm a freak, I do have a mental sound of a slide whistle as the circles are being adjusted. I'm pretty sure this started in college. I don't know why.