People Shouldn't Show Me Things

Thanks a lot, Brandy. Courtesy of my cousin, I now have to own these: www.buyfunslides.com. Nobody can say say these wouldn't rock. I'd refuse to believe such malarkey.

Family Matters

That's right, I'm going there. To that horrid place in the 90s with that irritating ass kid. Why, might you ask? Well, Nick at Nite plays this horrid show, and as my patients leave their tvs on all night, I'm forced to relive it. Why is this worthy of a blog? Because this show pisses me off. I'm referring specifically to Laura and Stefan Urkel. That's right, Steve's alter ego. This bitch. You've had this guy who, while irritating as shit and ridiculously clumsy, has been in love with you forever and would treat you like gold. One day he makes a machine to turn him into his alter ego (btw, while this show jumped the shark with it's entire existence, this was probably the official moment it happened). And all of a sudden he's good enough for you. And you want him to completely change himself and alter his personality forever because you now love him. Fuck you, bitch. I would change back and then punch her in the face. How dare you have the nerve to say I'm only good enough for you now that I'm an entirely new person? This makes me irate. I just can't believe that bitch's nerve. Btw, how did that show even end? Did he remain Stefan? I never found out, as well before this point in the storyline, I wanted to kill myself whenever I watched it.

Why My Dentist Is My Homeboy

1. He actually sat down and talked to me and answered my questions. As opposed to my old dentist, who would roll in, do a 60 sec cameo, then roll out.
2. My total visit, including stopping to make a future appointment, took 25 minutes. Holla.
3. And because I have no cavities bitches.

Amused

While I know bumper stickers are extremely lame, I saw one that made me chuckle. It said "Republicans for Voldemort." It gave me a tee hee.

Things I Dislike Strongly

• Men in turtlenecks. Especially turtleneck sweaters. *Shudder* I really just can't handle it. I'm talking to you, Rufus from Gossip Girl.
• People who don't own/watch televisions and think there are so much better than everyone else because of it. Bite me. Have I mentioned this already? Sounds familiar. Oh well, worth repeating.
• Backpack purses. These are two separate categories. Adding them together equals a big dose of hideousness. And before you get all het up, I don't mean the sporty crossover style ones. I mean like buying a Coach bag and getting a backpack.
• Skinny Jeans. They're aren't attractive on anyone. The day this fad ends, I'll do a back flip.
• *How could I forget Bobby Flay? Oh, we'll throwdown, bitch. Don't roll up into my establishment, thinking you can do my job better than me.*
• Your face

The Psychic

We'll start with the moral of the story: Don't go see a psychic unless you want to be busted out and told about yourself. I'm not saying that everything see told me made sense or that I believe things in my life are going to happen exactly the way she told me. But when it came to analyzing my personality and behavior, she kilt me big time. Ultimately, I'm a 26-year-old that acts like she's 46 and doesn't experience life. I feel like I have to be responsible all the time. I'm never getting married but I will eventually be in a marriage-like relationship. But, my love life won't actually settle down and be healthy until my late 30s, early 40s. I'm seen as being pregnant twice but only having one child. She told me I can difficult to get along with and I give off standoffish vibes and people that approach me see me as very closed off and intimidating. I'm ridiculously stubborn and proud, I want things to be my own way, and I have some paranoid and OCD like tendencies. I'm caught in a vicious cycle and I need to make changes in my life and be more open minded and accepting of change. A majority of our time was spent in this vein. There was a lot more that was said. Overall, it was a very interesting experience. On a positive note, I'm apparently going to be in a lust, not love, relationship before the year is out. Holla.

Man Bags

I don't have a problem with man bags, or a murse (not to be confused with a male nurse), if you will. But if you're gonna do it, make a good choice. Most everyone, except for fellow metros, is gonna make fun of you for carrying a murse anyway, so you might as well carry a nice leather one that, if you want, you can pass off as a satchel or messenger bag. Check these out: http://www.purseuing.com/bags/man-bags/. All acceptable options, minus that D&B tote bag. Which brings me to why I started this tirade in the first place. I saw a guy carrying what looked like a Land's End tote bag. And he wasn't going to no farmer's market, this was just his bag. Unacceptable. It was just lame and not okay. In conclusion, if you're gonna go man bag, you might as well give your all.

Food Coloring in Dairy Products

really bothers me. A lot. Actually, food coloring bothers me in a lot of things. Save it for candy and fruit snacks only. But I'm sure some lame-o did some study saying that people respond better to food with pretty colors. But I'm sorry, I just don't feel that my peach yogurt need to be peach colored, or my strawberry ice cream needs to be violently pink. Grrr. I get angry just thinking about it.

My 2009 Goals

Hey bitches!! How much did y'all miss me? Let's start the year off right with my goals and resolutions for 2009. I personally think they're awesome. Check it out:

1. The previously mentioned "90 in '09." I'm going to be a size ten if it kills me. I'm going for the human lollipop look due to my large head.
2. Learn how to play my guitar. I'm doing it, dammit!!
3. Take impromptu trips. Long weekend off? Why not randomly drive or fly somewhere? Even though this kinda conflicts with my next goal.
4. Get out of debt and curb my spending. These definitely go hand-in-hand. Though the curbing needs to start after I buy this b-e-a-utiful purple bag ( http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=320531&CategoryID=27687&LinkType=SiteAd&LinkLoc=26846&AdID=502808).
5. Buy some type of abode. House, condo, whatevs. I have no home as of August 14 (my near death day) and because I'm a loser, I'm already worried about being homeless.
6. Buy a dog!! Yeah!! Sweet'ums! For those who don't know (which can't be many cuz I talk about him all the time) I want an English Mastiff named Sweet'ums. I've recently decided he'll eventually have a Mastiff friend named Rupert, which mush be pronounced with a British accent.
7. Take up a random new hobby. Like archery or fencing or karate.

2009 is my year, peeps! I can feel it!!