Crack-Laced Sour Cream

The sour cream at Taco Bell is insanely delicious. I don't know what makes it different from other sour cream, but my guess is that it's laced with crack. As I also love their doughy taco shells, I think from now on I'll just order taco shells and sour cream to dip them in. That's a lie. I love too many other things at Taco Bell to limit myself like that. I'll just ask for a bucket of sour cream on the side of every order. I'm pretty sure that's good for my heart.

Human Experiments

I've officially decided that I need to have children because of the potential experiments I can perform on them. I'm for sure going to try 'Your Baby Can Read!' I'm debating whether to try infant potty training vs potty train in a day. I guess I'll need to have at least two kids in order to compare different methods on them . I'm sure there are some other cool things I could try that won't scar them for life. There are probably many more cool things that would.

Product Evaluation: Mr. Sticky

Mr. Sticky is amazing. It's this endlessly reusable lint roller. I supposedly will never have to buy another lint roller in my life. And as I'm a person that carries a mini lint roller around in my purse, this is exciting news. It's made of some funky silicone that always stays sticky. And you just rinse off all the crap you pick up in hot water and wait for it to dry and become sticky again. Holla!! So my cousin and I split the purchase, which comes with a mini roller (thought the sales lady gave us two), an average-sized roller, like you'd normally buy, and a big ass one on a long pole so you can de-lint blinds and curtains and floors and stuff. So I'm the proud owner a mini one and the larger one. And I love it!! Though it may exacerbate my OCD. I've rolled it over the carpet three times tonight. Seriously, it's disgusting how much stuff is left on the carpet after vacuuming. Though granted, I just bought a new vacuum after living in my house for three weeks. Whatevs. It's the best thing ever. So in conclusion, you should all be jealous of me.

State Fair

They were out of root beer milk. Literally the only reason I go to the fair every year. I had to console myself with strawberry and chocolate. Lame!! I also consoled myself by going to the product pavilion. Yeah, should've stayed out of there. I ended up buying the Smooth Away pads for body hair removal. Can't do a product review yet, as I recently shaved. I also bought an awesome product called Mr. Sticky, which will be promptly reviewed after this post. God, I love As Seen on TV products. And to jump back to the beginning of this rant, I'm thinking of adding root beer extract to milk and seeing what I come up with. I'll keep y'all updated.

I'm A Horrible Person

I hope that insects' lives flash before their eyes before I squash them into oblivion. I don't know what that says about me.

Quirks

Here are more weird things you didn't know about me. Well, Bob probably knows a few of them.

• I have to stir solid dairy products before I eat them. Yogurt, cottage cheese, sour cream. Even milk I have to shake up before I pour it. Dipping a spoon into an unbroken surface of yogurt and eating it just bothers me.
• I drive with my hand on the gear shift. Even though I drive a car with an automatic transmission.
• I take different routes when I drive places, just in case someone is stalking me. I can't make an attack too easy for them.
• I despise being considered average in anything. Which sucks, as I'm of average height, looks, and intelligence, among other things. I'm pretty sure that I was born weird but I've also worked at it enough that I'm now an official freak show with much effort.
• I obsessively balance my checkbook.
• I've learned that the toilet in my house has a lid that catches itself and won't slam shut. So now, every time I go to the bathroom, I try to slam the toilet seat as hard as I can. So far, unsuccessful in my efforts.
• I could probably have an entire conversation in movie quotes, tv quotes, and song lyrics.

Product Evaluation: ShamWow

While I haven't done any true tests, like spilling red wine on a white carpet and cleaning it up (I'm ashamed that I haven't done this, actually), I've tried to used the ShamWow for basic household tasks. And I think I must say I'm not super impressed. They're okay. The small ones kinda suck, cause they tear easily and I wish they were thicker. Whereas the large ones are nice and thick but a bit unwieldy. I really only end up using them for basic spills and drying dishes. I'll do some further experiments and see how things go. That is, if I don't keep ruining them by forgetting they can't go in the dryer. No matter what, they were still an awesome b-day gift, Joans!! Uou know I love "As Seen On TV products." Overall, I give them a "fair."