Congrats!

Even though I had to hear about it through the grapevine and he won't read this because he's a loser that doesn't believe in blogs, congrats to my baby bro for making the Badger basketball team!!! I guess I'll have to scare up some school spirit and hit up a game or two. Though let's be honest, he probably won't play this season anyways (Burn!).

Any Takers?

I need someone to pretend to be engaged to me so we can go taste test wedding cake. Who's in? Male or female, doesn't matter. I figure we may have to do some preliminary planning to set up a good background story. Or we can tell the baker it's none of his damn business, gimme the cake Ummmm, so many kinds of frosting and filling.

Question For "Glee" Fans

They live in Ohio. And even in television land, it's fall. So why does no one ever wear a coat (slight exaggeration)? And why is it always sunny out? And why are all the girls walking around in skirts that almost show their butt cheeks (Rachel had on a super mini last week)? I think this same thought every week. And because I'm a loser, I Google mapped Lima, Ohio. It's not like it's so far in southern Ohio that it might stay warm longer. Get it right, FOX!! This bugs me.

Home Visit

I have a home visit scheduled for Monday, peeps! I'm a bit nervous. What if Bernie walks into my house and hates me on site? And how salty would I be if his foster mom says "Yeah, we think going back to the rescue would be better than Bernie living with you." Ouchies!! They're both gonna hate me, I just know it. And I'll be in the 'burbs by myself forever. Crying myself a river.

Stripper Poll

What song would you say a female stripper dances to the most during the course of her career? My top three choices are "Cherry Pie," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," and "Talk Dirty to Me," in that order. (FYI, I cracked up at the title's pun. I'm such a loser).

I'm Officially British

Apparently I thought it was okay, once I got off the main road, mind you, to drive on the left side of the street. So I'm British. Or stupid and have a death wish.

Happy Birthday!!

Not you, Megan. I kinda forgot about it, but as of October 19, my blog was 1-year-old. Yeah!!! Who would've thought I'd actually stick with something for a whole year!! Though we all know I love to run my mouth. Anyways, happy 1 year and 4 days birthday, World's Awesomest Nonsense. The next year shall be just as awesome. And just as nonsensical (that's such a good word).

Cross Your Fingers

This is Bernie. I want him to be my new best friend. I just finished my adoption application, so everyone keep your fingers crossed. Isn't he totally cute? I'm think the three biggest factors against me are my stupid work hours; the fact that I've never owned a pet and am trying to jump straight into owning a monster; and the fact that I don't drive the biggest car. But he seems so perfect! He's crate-trained, he's good with kids and other animals, he's friendly (I mean, look at that doggie grin!), and he has depth perception problems. He sounds like the dog version of me (except I'm kinda mean, hate many different types of animals, and don't spend much time in a crate). It's also been brought to my attention that I may have unrealistic expectations when it comes to pet ownership. Everyone keeps bringing up the large quantities of poop, the fact that dogs aren't going to do exactly what you want all the time (I kinda like being obeyed), and the fact that he's huge. And I understand these concerns, as it would make me sad to get my gentle giant dog, only to find that I have no clue what to do with him. But I'm reading my dog books, and you gotta start somewhere, right? And why start small when you can start big?

Wow

Apparently, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I made a list of possible blog postings in my Blackberry (geek alert), and one of them was titled "Pepper spray a grizzly." I guess I'm not the only one in the family who thinks they can take on a bear. I don't even remember writing this down or what could have prompted it. Genetics, maybe?

Four Point Plan

So my parents drove to New York this past weekend to help my sister move in. As they were leaving the city and driving through Pennsylvania, my father was surprised by how much of the state is wooded. Apparently the next though after this one was, what if he met up with a bear? And the next thought was that he could totally take a bear if he had a good plan. Daddy would later confess that he may have been a little delusional from the 5-Hour Energy he had just drunk when he came up with this plan. It's a four point plan. The bear will rise up one his hind legs with it's paws raised and Daddy would quickly stab in it in one paw, swiftly followed by the other (parts 1 and 2). While the bear is distracted and in pain, he would dart in and slit it's throat, followed by stabbing it in the heart ( parts 3 and 4). Needless to say, when I heard this plan, I just about peed my pants and I laughed until my stomach hurt. My family and I were then saddened to realize that Daddy was one day going to die after getting eaten by a bear.

Harassment

I was doing yard work, minding my own business and this stupid bird keeping harassing me. I'm mowing the lawn, he's fluttering around. I'm raking leaves , he keeps getting in my business. I'm sweeping the driveway, and it follows me the entire damn time! I went after it with the lawn mower, I swept it away with the push broom, but the the little bastard kept after me. Anyone that could have heard me would have though I was crazy, as I'm yelling at this thing to get the hell away from me. I thought it was going to try to follow me into the house or try and hide out in the garage so it could jump out at me later. God, I hate birds.

Fat Kid In Gym Class

I was watching "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" the other day. Which does not bring back the best memories. It made me think of all the activities in gym glass that completely sucked as a fat kid. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

• Obviously, dodgeball/prisoners in paradise. You can't move fast enough to avoid the ball and you're already a bigger target. And those balls hurt like hell.
• Ropes. Those bastard ropes that hung from the ceiling. I couldn't climb them worth a damn. And I remember in one particular class, our pervert teacher expected us to grab two ropes and flip and hang ourselves upside down. Are you fuckin' serious? I always hated the people that could shimmy up like monkeys. I was passable at the climbing bars, though.
• Eraser runs. Actually, I should really just say anything involving running. The 100 yard dash, the mile. God, the fuckin' mile. I think I clocked about a 40-minute mile in those days.
• Fitness testing. I hated the time of year when it was time to do fitness testing. Hello, look at me. Clearly not fit. Sit-ups and push-ups per minute? The aforementioned running? Ugh.
• Swimming. Especially for someone who can't swim worth a damn. Why yes, I'd love to wear a swimsuit in front of all my peers. Self-consciousness isn't a problem in high school at all.
• Pull-ups. God, shoot me. And there were these other bars. They were like two parallel ladders, mounted on the wall a few feet up and connected by a bar at the top. You had to climb up one side, just using your hands, mind you, swing across the top and then back down the other side. It's pretty safe to say that I never accomplished this feat.

While I don't care for pretty much any sport, these were by far the worst memories spanning from elementary school on. One more thing that's contributed to the Erica-is-cuckoo-bananas pie. And to avoid be a totally downer, I will say that I rocked at badminton, floor hockey, jump rope, and bowling.

New Wish

I wish I could get a Muppet version of myself made. That would be totally and completely kickass. Of course, I'd need my a show starring Muppet me. Best show ever.

Yeah!

Once upon a time there was a man named Usher. And I hated him for years and years. Then, one day, he came out with a song named "Yeah!" And my life was changed. I will never in a million years get tired of this song. It is amazing. Thank you Usher, featuring Lil' John and Ludacris.

Brand New Information

You can totally get machetes at Home Depot for 12 bucks. I totally vote that I own one. Who's with me?