Do You Know What's Not Embarrassing At All?

Not knowing your sister's friend, who've you've never met before, is standing behind you while you're wearing just a sports bra and yoga pants and jiggling all around while dancing to Cardioke in your living room. Score.

Fetus Coup

That is a horrible visual image.

For Inquiring Minds

In case you were curious, my Wii fitness age today is 30. Considering I was 64 on Sunday, I think that's kickass. And I had two boxing games. What up! I rock. On the other hand, I'm a giant loser cuz I was awake and playing Wii Sports at 4am.

New Category

There totally needs to be another level of shower. I'm debating between calling it "The Ultimate Level 3" or just "Super Level 3." I think I like ultimate. Anyways, the Ultimate Level 3 shower is a rare phenomenon. It usually occurs before vacations and and for special occasions. I would of course be referring to actually shaving to the thigh instead of stopping that the knee. And any of you naturally hairless or fine-haired people that never have to shave: don't talk to me.

Oops. That's Not A Trash Can.

So we're at Granite City for brunch (which was delicious despite the fact I threw it up) and we're waiting for our table. To curb my hunger, I'm gnawing on a toothpick. After I've demolished it, it's time for the trash. Oh look! Out of the corner of my eye I see a waste receptacle. Hands in mid-tossing motion. And we stop. Oops. That not a trash can. That's a baby. In a car seat. On the floor. Left unattended by some stupid hag. It was decided that I should've thrown the toothpick at the baby anyway, just to show this mom what can happen if your baby is left alone. And that's the story of how a baby almost got his eye taken out by a splinter (j/k, it was covered in a blanket).

I'm Sick Of Being Lied To

I'm lied to every time I buy a box that claims to have an easy open perforated tab on the side. Know what I'm talking about? They're on boxes of candy and dry foods and powder detergent. Just press in here, easy and convenient. That's a lie!! I have yet to successfully open any type of box using this stupid side tab. At least, not without the use of a knife. Am I an idiot? Is there some method of operation that I'm not following? What's the deal? Stop lying to me, every company in America!!

Jimmy Buffet

Apparently he's going to be in concert at Alpine Valley. But here's my question: does he just sing "Margaritaville" over and over for a couple hours?

Yes!! They're Back!!

Holla!! All my unwritten letters have finally been answered! Is the suspense killing you? Okay, it's....JELLO Pudding Pops!! Hands down the best popsicle ever made!! They don't have them in fruit flavors, but they do have them in chocolate, vanilla, and swirl. Everyone rejoice!!! And celebrate President's Day the right way!! And wow, I've used a lot of exclamation points!!!!!

Things I Heart

Happy VD!! Don't enjoy your day too much and catch one!! In honor of VD, let's talk about all the things I heart. I tend to hate things more than I like them, so I doubt this list will be very long. But here goes!!

• Hard-boiled egg sandwiches (which I'm mostly thinking about because I just had one).
• Licorice. I will eat an entire bag until I feel like vomiting. What do you know, I did that yesterday.
• Let's just go ahead and say food. I love it in all it's glorious forms. Which is why "90 in '09" exists.
• Dancing. I'm in no way a good dancer but I am a dancing machine. Fav 5 minute dance party song? Original Hairspray soundtrack, "You Can't Stop the Beat." Gets me pumped!!!!
• Traveling! Hawaii in exactly four weeks bitches!!
• Being a hater. Guess I did have to throw something negative in there. I love to hate. Especially on Bob.
• Sitting on my ass. Preferably on something comfy and in front of the tv.
• Sleeping. Oh, fantabulous sleep. Not to be confused with sitting on my ass.
• Your face! :*

I probably heart other things too. Or people. But I don't feel like listing any of them.

Product Evaluation: IcyHot

Let's just say, I was highly disappointed. Maybe I was expecting too much, but I found this product to give no relief to sore muscles and it became neither icy nor hot. At best it should be called CoolLukeWarm. Two enthusiastic thumbs down, my friends.

Burger King

They've done it again. Why is BK so amazing, you ask? Because they now make burger shots. That's right, they're BK's version of sliders. Except they aren't gross, like the one's at White Castle. I could probably eat a bucketful, but limited myself to three. And before folks start asking "What about 90 in '09?," I'll have you know that a 2 pack is only 5 points. Holla!!!

Mr. Presdient

I've decided that I also have a position worthy of the highest respect. Therefore, from now on, I will only be responding to the title "Ms. Nurse." Thank you in advance for your complete lack of cooperation. Yeah, that wasn't a typo. I'm not keeping my hopes up. But I'll always feel like "Ms. Nurse" on the inside. Well, that and a rainbow.

Oh, British Slang

It's funny. I think the word 'shag' is totally awesome, but the word 'snogging' makes me super uncomfortable. And speaking of words that make people uncomfortable, 'moist' or 'squirt' anyone?