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This blog still exists?

My Personality Test Results

You understand life, its difficulties, and problems.

Your imagination runs away from you at times, causing you to exaggerate.

You are impatient to get ahead in life.

You express yourself well and assert yourself openly.

You are reliable, honest, and others depend on you.

You resent orders, but if asked will respond cheerfully.

You thrive on admiration and praise. 

You set very high standards for yourself.

You have a natural talent for business matters.

You have a strong urge to develop along creative lines.

Your ample energy is used to good advantage. 

You like to travel a good deal for all sorts of reasons.

An old ass machine at State Fair determined these things based on my signature. For $3.  

Nelson Understands Me

We know how I feel about dinosaurs. But more specifically, I think paleontology is beyond bogus. And Nelson described my feelings beautifully. 

"They are kinda just tossing a bunch of animal bones together. 'This dinosaur had wings, scales, was invisible, but was multicolored and lived under water and was 675 feet long.'"

Truth! Preach it! It's all a bunch of malarkey. 

An Unconventional Love Story

I never thought I could feel this way. Who knew you were out there, waiting to make my life whole. You're always there for me, you never let me down, and I'm happiest when I'm with you. I can only hope to have this feeling for the rest of my life. So thank you, Wendy's. Your chicken nuggets with honey mustard sauce complete me. 

Delayed Reaction Face

For some reason, I can hear the same song over and over again, and still completely miss all the inappropriate song lyrics. Last time I posted this, I was discussing an Enrique Iglesias song. Never knew "loving you" was actually "fucking you." Well, this time it's both Nelly and Macklemore that got me. Okay, so how have I never noticed Nelly saying,"if the head right, Nelly there every night"? Seriously, Erica, that song is 15 years old. Where have you been? So that made me a little oblivious. The Macklemore lyrics I missed lead me to believe I'm deaf for real. Have you listened to the words to "And We Danced"? I was scandalized, I tell you!! My delicate ears were burning! Apparently his dick is "big, long, pink, strong, and known to last all night long." Who knew? Everyone in the world but me. I gotta get out of my bubble more often. 

Mini Rant

I hate when grown ass men go by double consonant, y names. You know what I'm talking about. Bobby, Tommy, Billy, Jimmy. Ugh, Johnny. Dude, y'all aren't ten. Lock it up. 

Best Compliment Ever

Yesterday Megan, my twin, told me she felt safe in the car with me driving!! Huzzah!! Feeling pretty proud of myself. 

Overanalyzing Song Lyrics

Anyone who knows me knows I love to pick apart songs and get heated over the lyrics. Today's song? Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. My biggest problem in this song is when the couple meets at the bar to run away together. Well, they obviously realize that they've been talking to each other this whole time and they just laugh it off!! Seriously, your girl/guy was trolling online for someone better than you and that's just okay? The first line of the song was literally I'm sick of this bitch. Don't just say, "Hahaha, we've learned new things about each other and now our relationship is so much better!" I call bullshit. 

Bothered

I'm very bothered by artificially colored foods. Like, not enough not to eat them. But bothered all the same. My strawberry yogurt doesn't need to be bright pink to convince me it's actually strawberry.  

My Weird Stereotypes II

It's been so long! So...why don't white people use washcloths? I find this to be extremely gross. How do you feel clean if you don't wash with a washcloth? Does everyone in your household share a bar of soap? Do you just use your hands? Do you at least use a loofah or a pouf? Do you really feel like those can clean all your cracks and crevasses? Do you use washcloths and it's just a deep hidden secret? Inquiring, stereotyping minds need to know!!

To My People

Thanks to all my awesome friends and fam for the birthday wishes, the thoughtful gifts, and spending time. Just want y'all to know that you totally rock and I love and appreciate you. Alright, enough of this gooey shi...show of emotion. I'm out!! Here's to a rockin' 34th year, to new adventures, and to passing for 28 for as long as possible.  

Flashback

Have I ever told the story of why I don't have eyebrows? Okay, they've probably always been pretty sparse. But when I was a young lass, but old enough to know better, I was taking a bubble bath. And thought it'd be fun to pretend to shave bubbles off my face. Well, at some point in the process, I decided that it'd be more realistic if I took the safety cap off. What do you know, with the cap off you may actually shave hair off. And there went half of my left eyebrow. I thought that no one would notice, so I tried to go about my day. But I noticed my father looking at me funny. Now, I didn't want to get in trouble for playing with his razor. Kid logic time...I should totally shave off half of the other eyebrow. Cuz if they match, you won't notice they're half gone. Done!! Oddly, I don't recall much after that. I just remember doing it. And blaming my childhood antics for my continued lack of eyebrows. Good times. 

Make Some Moves

Bungee jumping may have scrambled my brain. Now my mind is constantly jumping, wondering what new thing to do or try next. I want to say yes to everything! That's pretty much my motto right now, actually. Say Yes To Everything. No fear, no limitations (I mean, I'm not trying to break the law or anything. I'm not crazy.) Weeeelllll, that's not exactly true. Still working on the people paranoia. Don't ask me what happened in my life that makes me believe everyone is a serial killer. Cuz the answer is nothing. I've lived a straight up vanilla life. Gonna have to make some moves and work on that. Maybe the answer will come to me while hang gliding. Or rock climbing. Or getting a new tattoo. Oooh, tap starts again soon! Wait, what? 

They Got Me This Time

TSA remembered how suspicious my giant bun is. Got the hair pat down in security. 

Dear Thighs,

It'd be awesome if you didn't try to fall off. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Erica

Hmmm

So I guess I decided that joining Twitter was a good idea? Late much? I mean, I could always use another place to spew nonsense. So for the five people that read this blog, feel free to join the crazy that's begun @bitchface_killa. Killing bitches 24/7. You know how I do. 

Ha!

Just read an article about black women feeling like they're singled out by TSA agents to have their hair searched. That's so funny, I was totally surprised last week when my giant ghetto girl bun didn't get checked. 

Way Back Machine

I miss Cray-Pas. 

God, I'm Gross

I'm pretty sure I peed this morning, didn't wash my hands, then flossed my teeth. 

Dear New Orleans,

I gained ten pounds, damaged my liver, got addicted to penny slots, saw more penises than expected and as many drag queens as I wanted. I'll totally be back!!

Sincerely, 

Erica