You Put Your Phone Down For An Hour And You Get Killed Off

It's always Nelson...

Bob: Wonder if she crashed.
Bob: She seems to have disappeared though.
Nelson: She might be dead. Who knows.
Bob: HAHAHAHAHAHA damn Nelson
RotURs: Awkward if she is. Seriously Nelson.
RotURs: That statement will be her epitaph.
Bob: HAHAHAHAHA
Bob: Erica Monet Wise 1982-2015(?) She might be dead. Who knows.
RotURs: Miss Diamonds 1982-2015 She might be dead. Who knows.
RotURs: It should be read with all of her Ballerfest names through the years.
Nelson: Hahaha. Who knows. Now let's eat cake and tap dance like she she would have wanted.
Bob: Don't forget we have to say mean things about her at the funeral.
Nelson: That ho stole my flannel. Amen.
Bob: And my hockey odyssey t-shirt which she then lost
Nelson: We would all say that bitch and then God bless her.

These are my friends. 

Hilarious

I'm kinda too lazy right now to post the links. But check out Conan O'Brian on YouTube as he gets on Tinder and Grindr. Funny stuff. 

Why Is Nature Against Me?

Today Trivia Crack taught me that hippos give pink milk. Are you fucking kidding me?

Note To Self

If you put tech gloves in the microwave, the fingertips will melt. Who knew? 

Dear Glee,

You make me want to slit my wrists. 

Sincerely,

Erica 

Reward

I will give someone $10,000 if they can tell me how to get my brain to calm the fuck down! Ahhhh, second wind Erica!! And first and third and every other wind!

My New Favorite Thing To Do?

Go around saying "Oh, my" like George Takei. 

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

Why isn't Philadephia the capital of the United States? It's kinda bullshit. 

Life Changing Information

How come no one ever told me that there's an arrow next to the gas symbol in a car that tells you what side the tank is on? In 32 years, none of you thought this would be useful information to have? Bastards. 

The Best Things About Being Less Fat On An Airplane

Flying is so much more comfortable minus 60lbs. I decided to catalogue the benefits on this last flight.

1) I can buckle my seat belt. With room left over. Seriously, a year ago, I was definitely in danger of asking for an extender. Pretty sure my life would have been over.

2) I'm not touching my neighbor. I hate rubbing up against randos. Can I tell you this 100lbs man once asked me if I could move over some? Clearly not, motherfucker. And you're 100lbs! Slide your tiny ass over. 

3) I can cross my legs. This is actually a general weight loss benefit. But so much more satisfying within the confines of a plane. 

4) My belly and thunder thighs don't touch the tray table when it's down. (I hope when it's down. If they were touching while it was up, I had bigger problems. Literally.) So much room! I don't feel Iike a sardine! So glorious! 

In conclusion, don't be fat. It kinda sucks. 

Dear Tony Horton,

Fuck you twice. Also, eat a buffet of dicks. 

Sincerely, 

Erica

Do You Think...?

Do you think hummingbirds are kinda dickish about the fact that they can fly backwards? I bet they are and they'd get jumped by other birds if they weren't so fast.

What's Your Song?

I'm kind of weird and obsessive about music, but does everyone have a song?  Not just a song you really like (see Give Me Everything post).  But a song that totally expresses who you are, like the artist opened a locked vault in your head and exposed you to the world?  I know, I'm kinda dramatic. And I promise, I haven't watched Happy Feet recently.  But that's how I feel every time I hear my song. And it's been on repeat today.  Mine probably seems kinda depressing, but I hear it and love that someone else fucking gets it.  Anyways, I'll share if y'all share...

Is It Weird?

Is it weird that after almost ten years, I still worry that one day I'm gonna walk into a patient's room and have them tell me they prefer to not have a black nurse?

Why Do I Continue To Do This To Myself?

If not previously mentioned (I don't remember everything about which I've run my mouth), I love reading comments and reviews of everything. I never buy anything without reading customer reviews first. And I'm always drawn to the comments after every article I read. Now mind you, Yahoo! is my primary news source. So it's not like the original content is very high quality. But sometimes reading comments really just fucking depresses me. And I haven't exactly been running on rainbows this week as is. Why are people so awful? What is it about hiding behind a computer that makes people feel like it's okay to just spew hate? I don't know, the world is looking bleak, folks. *sigh heavily* Debbie Downer face. Next time, Erica, just say no.