I Take It Back!!!

I take back everything I said about being awake at 2:30 in the morning. Because it was at 2:30am that I discovered the best worst amazing awful hilariously ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. My life!!!!! And you can experience it, too. It's only a click away...

I can't even believe it!!

I don't know what's killing me the most. The general concept, the awful titles, the book covers, or the tweets in the article. Classic. I'm seriously in tears, I can't even. Please read the whole article. It's so worth it.

Oh God!!

Have you ever taken a close up picture of your face with an iPad, sans make-up? All these years, I was under the mistaken impression that I was decent looking. Turns out I am, in fact, a troll. Do I have magic powers? Have I been cloaking this from everyone? Or have y'all just been too nice to tell me to my face? A real friend would have said something. You bastards. Officially moving under a bridge.

You Know What's Not A Good Idea?

Doing the Tootsie Roll while driving.

My Friends Are So Special

A paraphrased conversation:

Jess: Do you like the name Quinn? A friend of mine named her baby that.
Carl: I do.
Megan: I don't like the letter Q. It can't stand alone.
Me: *dying laughing*

Be On Alert

It's been reported that in 2014, a small woman, about 109lbs, went missing. If anyone has any info related to this disappearance, please let me know. Oh. Wait. 109lbs would be the combined amount of weight lost between my cousin Brandy and I in 2014. Boo-yah, bitches!!!

I Heart Dragons And Drag Queens

This statement was made in a conversation I had the other day. I can't in any way tell you how the conversation got to this point.

This Is My Brain On Sugar

I eat something sweet and it seriously feels like little elves in technicolor outfits start dancing around my brain yelling, "Arigato heeeeyyy!!" Real life ones, folks.

You Bitches All Said I Was Crazy!

Check this shit out!

Told y'all you can't trust hippos!. Get tore up if you want to!

Sad Face

It makes me sad that the few people that still read this blog don't post comments anymore. I love your comments!

Awake

2:30am is not a good time to be awake. Your brain does nothing but freak out. Or do all thoughts seem crazy when you're up alone in a silent dark house? I know the urge to run away increases tenfold. Take your ass back to sleep, Erica.

Give Me Everything

Seriously, this song is four years old. And I cannot freaking get enough of it. I listen to it everyday. Every. Day. And just about anyone who has spent an extended period of time with me has experienced me bursting into song and dance whenever it comes on. Doesn't matter where I am. I don't care if I'm alone or in public. No shame, full on dance party. I need to write Pitbull a letter. He has changed my life. Sorry DeBarge, I think "Give Me Everything" has replaced "Rhythm of the Night" as my all time favorite song. Let's have a moment silence...

Hold up, that was a lie. I just watched the "Rhythm of the Night" video five times back to back. That shit has me hype!!! YES!! I love it so much!! Damn, I can't decide now. Are they tied for first place? I don't know!

Really?

Me: Could my shoulders be any broader? I look like a linebacker. I'm trying out for the Packers. *pause* Eh, Green Bay is too cold.

Lexie: Really? That's your only deterrent?

There's A New SuperHERo In Town!!

Her name: Dramaticus!!

Her super powers: hyperbole, looking mad fly, being the best at everything, sassy head and arm movements, talking tall shit, falling out, a smile that lights up a room (obvi)

Check back to hear of her future exploits!!!

Crack-a-lacking

Three things I'd prefer not crack-a-lack:

My driveway
The foundation of my house
My black

I have weird conversations.

The Year Of No Fear

That's right, this year we're going with a theme. The Year of No Fear, bitches! Or should I go with No Fear in '15? Hmmm, I'll think on it. Also, not important. Trying to deal with some deep shit.
For those who don't know me, I am the most cautious person in the world. I'm so concerned with how bad things can go, so worried about potential failure or rejection, that I don't even try. Who wants to live like that? That's bullshit, Alonzo! So it's time to make a change. I mean, I'm fucking 32. Beyond time to have dealt with my own crazy.
Okay, I haven't exactly decided how this is gonna play out. I already have hang gliding and bungee jumping and lots of traveling on the list of things to do this year. But that kind of stuff is easy. It's much harder to work on not believing everyone is a serial killer out to get me. Or that failing at something isn't the end of the world. Or, you know, not assuming failure or rejection is the most likely outcome of trying. The list goes on. I'm nothing if not self-aware. Balls to the wall Erica is hiding in there somewhere! She just needs to come out to play a bit (lot) more.
And obviously, for those who have asked, that is the point of the new tattoo. I'm hard headed. Courage over fear. I needed the permanent visual reminder.

I've mentioned a few times that 2015 will be the year to stop lying to myself. I'm hoping this doesn't become another New Year's lie. I'm sick of my own complaints. Time to get proactive and make changes, not hope that somehow things will happen from the comfort of my couch.


P.S.- Wait! I can't leave y'all hanging and not have an extreme weight loss goal! We're shooting for another 80lbs off in 2015. Unfortunately, there's no cool name for that. Oh, how I miss the days of 90 in '09. 80 in '15 does not have the same ring to it. Damn bitch, just lose the weight already. God!