Stoned

I bent down too early to pick up his poop, and Bernie kicked a rock in my face. Though I'm pretty sure he waited until I was in position and did it on purpose. Bastard.

Why I'm An Awful Person

One day while out walking Bernie I want a little kid to ask me if he/she can pet him. And I want to respond, "Sure, Bernie loves kids.....for breakfast." And then I'd laugh at their screams of terror. I can't lie, I'm kinda chuckling just thinking about it. And what do I do for a living, you ask? Yes, I am a pediatric nurse.

Sigh Heavily

I can't think of a name for my car. Dory, may she be in peace wherever she is, had the best name ever. How do I follow that? And I can't tell if it's a male or female car, so that's part of my problem (along with giving inanimate objects names; for example, my bike, The Pink Lady). Maybe it's androgynous and I should name it Ziggy Stardust.

Something I Noticed

Did you know that mailboxes, like the standard ones on the curb, say "Approved by the Postmaster General" on them? For some reason I find this intriguing. So whenever I'm walking in neighborhoods with curbside boxes, I have to look for it. Don't ask me why I find this so interesting.

Random Question

Why do microwaves have popcorn buttons when it says right on the bag "do not use popcorn button?" Though I totally do all the time.

Liar

I'm pretty sure I'm going to lie on my driver's license renewal form and say I weigh less than 200lbs, in hopes that someday soon I actually will. I won't write in anything absurd, like saying I weigh 150. But I think I can pass for 190-195lbs, so that's what I'm going for. Even though 190 is 28lbs away and best case scenario, I might be there by mid-fall. Sigh heavily. "72 in '10" sucks balls.

Check It Out

Go to the side bar and check out xkcd's new comic today. Hilarious!

Another Old Rant

If I was the Trix rabbit I'd tell those kids to fuck off and that I can eat as much goddamn cereal as I want. And the next time one of them said "Trix are for kids," I'd respond with, "Well, my fist is for bustin' you in your smart-ass mouth." This rant has been resurrected because I've been watching TeenNick a lot more (iCarly rocks!), so I see the commercial all the time. And when I say old rant, I'm pretty sure I've been complaining about this since high school.

Honesty

We were talking about this at work and I wanted to share this with everyone. Please don't discuss your baby's possible names with me if you don't want to hear my honest opinion. If the name is awful, I'm going to tell you so. This shouldn't come as news, as I must have an opinion on everything. Though I guess I can try not to offer my opinion if it isn't solicited. And while we all know in the long run (or the short run, for that matter) that my opinion doesn't count for much, I don't want people giving me attitude when I tell them what everyone else is probably thinking but too polite to say. We all know being polite is a character flaw with which I do not struggle (check out that grammar, right?).

I Caved

I told myself the heat was officially off for the year, despite the fact that I've been wearing wool socks and a fleece robe over my sweatpants and long sleeve shirt to bed every night. Well, then it decided to snow in April and when I got home this morning it was 58 degrees. Even the dog's fur felt cold. Yeah, so the heat was promptly turned back on to 70. Ahhh, blessed warmth! Though I'm still bundled up, minus the robe.

Obsessed Much?

I'm pretty sure I'm obsessed with chap stick. I find it everywhere: in random coat pockets, various purses, the pockets of my robes, in my bed, in my car, in kitchen drawers. I think that's overkill. Though my lips remain lovely and well moisturized.

Notice

If I ever mention having children, the person closest to me has permission to slap me in the face. Repeatedly.

XM Radio

I want to have it's babies. Rachel was a little thrown by this statement. Mostly because we all know I want to have Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's babies. But I have to say, XM Radio currently ranks as the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yes, I'm aware of how sad this makes my life.