Happy New Year-ish!!

"Check me out! Writing my resolutions two weeks into the New Year instead of three months."

Fast forward six months. Clearly that post didn't happen. Most of this year's resolutions were repeats from last year. Lame, I know. So this isn't me declaring resoluitons, so much as listing all the things I still havent't fixed.

Still dropping f-bombs. But a lot of my swearing is replaced with odd old-fashioned sounding phrases. "Oh, crumb cakes!" is a fav.
Still judgmental. I think I'm gonna have to accept that as a natural part of my personality.
Still fat. My beautiful new sneaks are supposed to get me to the gym. Um, yeah...
Still vain. This year has included eyelash extensions, continued teeth whitening, and lying about my age.
Still have a spending problem. I love stuff so much!

Still proving that New Year's resolutions are pretty worthless.  And that I show no growth as a person.

The Habits Of Skinny People Vs. Fat People

Skinny people wake up at eight am on a Sunday for nice morning jog. Fat people drive by while giving them the up/down. And eating a donut.

Let's All Agree

I believe we can all agree that any story using the phrase "this bitch" is going to be amazing. No, this bitch didn't?! This bitch had the nerve to...! Or the classic, I will cut this bitch!

Best Team Name Ever

"My People Have Swept Enough." World's best curling team name. Racism can be fun!!

Oh, No!

I missed my blog's anniversary! It was four-years-old on October 19th. I can't believe folks have actually been reading this nonsense for four years. And I kinda suck at this. This is only my 399th post. Eh, after four years, it's still the awesomest nonsense around. Yay me!

Am I Really That Geeky?

I need more opinions. Bob and I shared this conversation yesterday.

Me: How geeky is it that when I put on my black pearl earrings I said, "The Black Pearl!" in a pirate accent?
Bob: Super geeky.
Bob: Like scale of 1-10 I give it a 57.
Me: Who has a scale up to 101?
Bob: That was 1-10.
Bob: You would.
Me: Ahhh. My cursive font can be deceiving. I thought 57 put me in the middle of the scale. Not well beyond the top.
Bob: Having a cursive font on your phone is probably a 63849282659471625 on the same scale.

I can't be that geeky. I'm too cool for school.

My Yearly Rant

Daylight savings sucks balls! Standard time for life!! I salute you Hawaii and Arizona!