Some Of You Have Heard This Story

Let's set the scene: it was the beginning of a beautiful autumn day and Bernie and I were admiring the foliage and the sunrise as we took an early walk.  As we were heading home, I looked up because I heard the garbage truck. And I had to do a double take. I swear for God, the garbage man had just done a back flip off the side of the truck. Hold up. What a minute. That was the lift lowering the can back to the curb. What's wrong with me?

Topic Revisited

Since I've thought about it the requisite ten years (which is my way), I'm officially going to get my nose pierced again. I may go this weekend and follow through on the impulse. I can do it! But I lie a lot. So it's possible I won't.

Worst Conversation Ever

A lovely back and forth between Bob and I.

Me: I hate love triangles. They enrage me.
Bob: The shape?
Me: Really?
Bob: Huh?
Me: I didn't say I had a love/hate relationship with triangles. I said I hate love triangles.
Bob: Ok. Are you drunk now? Wtf are you talking about?
Me: You're the one being confusing. I'm making perfect sense.
Bob: You've said "I hate love triangles" twice.
Me: And the first time I said it, you responded with "the shape?"
Bob: Because it makes no sense. You hate love triangles? The shape? Or I guess the percussion instrument?
Me: Love triangles, Bob. As in one person in love with two people.
Bob: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh, text messaging.

I'm Back!

I promise, promise, promise to blog more often! Hopefully there is still someone out there to actually read this message...

Testing

Holla! Blogging from the Apple Store, bitch! I need an iPad, son.

Wow

I got super excited on the way to work because I thought "Suddenly" by Billy Ocean was about to come on the radio. And then I was sad when it turned out to be Aerosmith. What a nerd.

And The Winner Is...

Me!! I sincerely believe that I'm going to win every game of chance I pay. Not card or board games, because everyone knows I'm terrible at those. And a very sore loser (Risk memories, anyone?). Contests is a more accurate word. Every single contest I play, I'm convinced I'm going to be the grand prize winner. Does this belief, this hope, these positive vibes I send out into the universe work? Nope. Every year, I think I'm going to win a million dollars in the Monopoly game at McDonald's. I faithfully complete the surveys that various stores and restaurants give out, asking about their service, in hopes of winning cash and gift cards. Have I won yet? Nope. Currently, I am 100% convinced that I'm going to win that Visa contest where you get tickets to the Olympics for life. It's the same thing whenever I go to Vegas. Every year is the year I'm going to hit big on the Wheel of Fortune slot machine at the Bellagio. I'm so cynical about everything else, what is about these contests that keep me hoping every time? Probably the fact that ultimately, I'm not really risking anything.