Meh

I'm a little better. Sleeping all day today will help. A little Electric Sex brought a smile. Especially since I was just talking about how Big Bob always reminds me of the dad from "A Christmas Story."

Merry Christmas, I Guess

I'm officially in Erica Mean Bitter Mode. That's right, capitalized. So those are the best Christmas wishes I can offer.

Erica Facts

• I read magazines backwards.
• I'm usually yelling because I like to be loud, not because I'm angry.
• I abruptly become obsessed with things, but rarely stick with anything long term. I'm like the serial monogamist of material things.
• I fuckin' hate the Smith kids.
• I'm a total Al Bundy. I cannot relax on the couch without one or both hands down the front of my pants. Or pressed between my legs. It's mostly to keep them warm.
• With the exception of Bob, I couldn't tell you what color eyes any of my friends have.
• I'm obsessed with teeth.

Dear Bruno Mars,

Why is your love so needy?

Home Alone

Can I just say that this movie is funny every time I watch it? It's been 20 years, but I can't get enough. And the part I crack up at the most is the scream that Marv makes when that tarantula is crawling on his face. Classic.

Ghost Whisperer

So I caught the last 20 minutes or so of an episode of "Ghost Whisperer." In that twenty minutes, I got the impression that Jennifer Love Hewitt just stares into "empty" space with a deep and meaningful look on her face, while a single tear occasionally falls down her cheek. What pissed me off while watching it was how she relayed the ghosts' information. If my soul is stuck on Earth because I have one last thing I need to say to my loved ones (or my enemies, knowing me), I do not want you paraphrasing. If it's important enough for me to stick around, I wanted that shit quoted verbatim. I got pretty angry.

Megan

While I forgot to mention it, don't think I didn't know it was you who put a "Monster Mash" radio station on my Pandora account.

Happy Birthday-versary, Bernie!

Since Bernie was a rescue, I don't know when his actually birthday is. I got him December 7th last year, so yesterday marked both his 3rd birthday and my 1 year anniversary of having him. While I love him, I mostly learned that having a dog is expensive and Bernie is a general pain in my ass. I probably won't repeat the experience. His gift was a big ham bone, which he sniffed at and dropped, followed by him walking away and falling asleep. Jerk.

?

Who was it that told me they thought Khloe Kardashian looked like Fiona from "Shrek?" Whoever it was, it cracked my ass up.

Observation

Has anyone noticed yet that strings of blog posts tend to occur when I'm doing less than nothing at work?

Inquiry

Apparently the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree has 30,000 energy efficient lights on it. Is it just me, or does the "30,000" part cancel out the "enery efficient" part?

Really?

Not that I think celebrities are above the law, but really, what's the point in charging Willie Nelson with pot possession?

When I'm Old

There are three things I have to have when I'm old.

1. A Rascal. Was there any doubt of this? I'd own one now if I could.
2. A stair lift/chair. Cruisin' up the staircase? Hells yeah!
3. A Med Alert Bracelet. One of the ones that calls 911 automatically if it senses that you've fallen. This is because the odds are high that I'll probably fall down the stairs at some point in my life. Mostly because I walk up the stairs on my tip toes. And I'm not very graceful.