Almost Mortifying

I don't close the doors in my house. It's just the dog and I. Well, I walk into the bathroom and sit on the toilet, as so many of us do. Bernie follows me in, whining, because he's impatient to go out for his walk. I yell at him just as I hear a familiar noise. It was an automated voice telling me that the person I was calling was unavailable. I must have accidentally hit the call button when I sat it down on the countertop. Unfortunately, I was yelling, "Can I poop in peace?!" Luckily, I hit end before a message started to record. And it was my mom's cell phone, which she never answers at work. What if I had called the hospital, where someone almost always picks up immediately? Usually nothing embarrasses me, but even I have some limits. How mortifying would that have been?

Personalize

I don't like when strangers use my name. Like if I buy something with a credit card and the cashier says, "Thanks, Erica." Please, don't personalize our transaction. I especially dislike it when I'm at a drive thru window. I feel like the person at the wndow is silently judging me. "Thank you, Erica. And did you really need two steak soft tacos and a nacho supreme?" Bastards.

Bored

I was bored at work and decided to pull a Molly Ringwald, a la "The Breakfast Club." It's really quite easy to apply lipstick with the tube in your cleavage. This talent is not impressive. That's why Bender cut you to shreds, Claire.

Help Me

This night is killing my insides. Four hours still to go...

Tangled

Seriously, how did Rapunzel not have rickets?

Spring Is Here!

You know what that means? De-pooping the backyard!! I'll pay someone $10 to do it. Twenty if you can do it without complaining.

FYI

The Otis Redding station on Pandora is amazing.