Meh

I'm a little better. Sleeping all day today will help. A little Electric Sex brought a smile. Especially since I was just talking about how Big Bob always reminds me of the dad from "A Christmas Story."

Merry Christmas, I Guess

I'm officially in Erica Mean Bitter Mode. That's right, capitalized. So those are the best Christmas wishes I can offer.

Erica Facts

• I read magazines backwards.
• I'm usually yelling because I like to be loud, not because I'm angry.
• I abruptly become obsessed with things, but rarely stick with anything long term. I'm like the serial monogamist of material things.
• I fuckin' hate the Smith kids.
• I'm a total Al Bundy. I cannot relax on the couch without one or both hands down the front of my pants. Or pressed between my legs. It's mostly to keep them warm.
• With the exception of Bob, I couldn't tell you what color eyes any of my friends have.
• I'm obsessed with teeth.

Dear Bruno Mars,

Why is your love so needy?

Home Alone

Can I just say that this movie is funny every time I watch it? It's been 20 years, but I can't get enough. And the part I crack up at the most is the scream that Marv makes when that tarantula is crawling on his face. Classic.

Ghost Whisperer

So I caught the last 20 minutes or so of an episode of "Ghost Whisperer." In that twenty minutes, I got the impression that Jennifer Love Hewitt just stares into "empty" space with a deep and meaningful look on her face, while a single tear occasionally falls down her cheek. What pissed me off while watching it was how she relayed the ghosts' information. If my soul is stuck on Earth because I have one last thing I need to say to my loved ones (or my enemies, knowing me), I do not want you paraphrasing. If it's important enough for me to stick around, I wanted that shit quoted verbatim. I got pretty angry.

Megan

While I forgot to mention it, don't think I didn't know it was you who put a "Monster Mash" radio station on my Pandora account.