I Can't Lie

I love Scott Bakula. Always and forever.

Don't Wait Until June To Mow Your Grass

The front yard was pretty easy, as the grass isn't super thick and it gets drier. But the grass in the backyard is not only uber thick, but the yard slants so it collects tons of moisture, even if it hasn't been raining. Well, today was finally the day, and I must say I'm ashamed of myself. The grass was so long and thick, I has to tilt the lawn mower to a 45 degree angle in order to lop of the top of it. I couldn't de-poop it, cuz I couldn't see anything through the stalks. The lawn mower stalled about 10 times, and finally just refused to restart again until I let it sit for 30 minutes with the engine smoking. And today was just phase one of mowing. The grass near the root is so damp and there are so many clipping plied up, I'm going to have to let the clippings dry out, so I can rake them all up and the mow it a couple more times. I'm pretty sure it would have been easier for me to just mow every week.

Werewolf

Am I the only person that thinks Bradley Cooper looks like a werewolf? It's mostly the teeth. Y'all know I have a thing about teeth.

Creepy

Does anyone else think those glow-in-the-dark runner statues in Olin-Turville park are fucking creepy? I'd like to bash the hell out of them with a baseball bat, but their glowing in the dark ruins my sneaking into the park under the cover of darkness.

Hells Yeah!!

100% on my telemetry test, bitches!! That shit was cake!

Common And Uncommon Phrases Used By My Family

So obviously, to me, all of these phrases are common. I've heard most of them my entire life. But as I've used them around my friends over the years, I've gotten some crazy ass looks. So here goes. Note: I will be giving the phrases only, without providing any explanation. I think most of them are self-explanatory anyways, but those looks I've gotten...

• Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra. (That one's for you, Bob)
• Gimme got shot.
• He thinks fat meat ain't greasy.
• She just about had a hay baby with a straw hat.
• Tell the truth, shame the devil.
• God don't like ugly.
• Madder than a raped ape.
• Higher than a monkey's butt.
• Hotter than the blue blazes.
• Hungry as a hostage.

Damn, I know that there are more but my mind is blanking. No worries, I'll continue to make updates as they come to me.

Question

You know those ice cream maker balls? Do you think I could put all the ingredients in and then play with Bernie and make him do all the work to actually make the ice cream?