Epic Friendship Fail

My best friend of 14 years has ended our friendship due to my buying Bernie a raincoat. While I knew this day would come, I didn't think it'd be over something as awesome as the yellow slicker he'll be pimpin'. Let's all have a moment of silence for a friendship that was both odd and dysfunctional.

Stoned

I bent down too early to pick up his poop, and Bernie kicked a rock in my face. Though I'm pretty sure he waited until I was in position and did it on purpose. Bastard.

Why I'm An Awful Person

One day while out walking Bernie I want a little kid to ask me if he/she can pet him. And I want to respond, "Sure, Bernie loves kids.....for breakfast." And then I'd laugh at their screams of terror. I can't lie, I'm kinda chuckling just thinking about it. And what do I do for a living, you ask? Yes, I am a pediatric nurse.

Sigh Heavily

I can't think of a name for my car. Dory, may she be in peace wherever she is, had the best name ever. How do I follow that? And I can't tell if it's a male or female car, so that's part of my problem (along with giving inanimate objects names; for example, my bike, The Pink Lady). Maybe it's androgynous and I should name it Ziggy Stardust.

Something I Noticed

Did you know that mailboxes, like the standard ones on the curb, say "Approved by the Postmaster General" on them? For some reason I find this intriguing. So whenever I'm walking in neighborhoods with curbside boxes, I have to look for it. Don't ask me why I find this so interesting.

Random Question

Why do microwaves have popcorn buttons when it says right on the bag "do not use popcorn button?" Though I totally do all the time.

Liar

I'm pretty sure I'm going to lie on my driver's license renewal form and say I weigh less than 200lbs, in hopes that someday soon I actually will. I won't write in anything absurd, like saying I weigh 150. But I think I can pass for 190-195lbs, so that's what I'm going for. Even though 190 is 28lbs away and best case scenario, I might be there by mid-fall. Sigh heavily. "72 in '10" sucks balls.