More Fun Family Phrases

• I'm thirsty. And Friday, too.
• They're working me like a Hebrew slave.
• He wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Tattoo

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo of a heart with a lock in the the middle and icicles dripping from it. And maybe chains wrapped around it. Minus a key. You know, to show the world how much of a tin chest I am. Thoughts?

Texts From Bob

For no particular reason, I've refused to start my own Twitter account. So Bob ends up being my own personal Twitter, as I send him crazy ass random text messages throughout the day. Because he likes to share my crazy with the world, he's started a new feed on his account called, "Texts From Bob" (For those confused, we call each other Bob. Stupid story, been going on for over 10 years, we rarely use each others' real names). I figured he could get some hype generated for me, on the off chance I did start my own. I have no clue what his account is, but I'll get it for you folks that might enjoy it. It won't really tell you anything new. It's pretty obvious from this blog that I've got one jacked up thought process.

My Prayers Have Been Answered

As we all know, I would like to get cosmetic surgery on my hideous eyelids. Well, the universe has finally answered my call. I was watching infomercials the other day, and the Dream Look Instant Eye Lift appeared from before me. You get a set of these thin clear plastic strips that you apply to your eyelids and voila! Instant lift! Anyone want to get me a late birthday present? Check 'em out: https://www.getdreamlook.com/Index.dtm

Do You Know What Pisses Me Off?

Well, lots of things. I'm a pretty angry person. But what really pisses me off is when I am gracious enough to allow people before me in traffic and I don't get a wave. Excuse me? Did you just ignore my magnanimity? I could've been one of those douches that speeds up so you can't get in. But no, I kindly stopped so you wouldn't have to wait all day. And in response, I get nothing? It doesn't even have to be the full wave, it can just be a raising of the hand. I'm a terrible person, so I need acknowledgement when I do good deeds.