In My Opinion...

What? I like to share my opinions? And by share, I mean shove them down people's throats. Any who, in my opinion some people just look bettter fat, health risks aside. Have you seen Drew Carey lately? Not okay. Chub was just his look. In somewhat related news, I kinda think short chubby balding men are cute. My top two examples would be Jason Alexander (obviously) and Ian Gomez from "Cougar Town." I'd totally hook up with Ian Gomez, actually.

Question

Who cares if the top of a soap pump has germs all over it, as you literally wash your hands immediately after touching it?

I Lied

I have three things to rant about.

• Fuck you, State Farm! You and your commercials...talk to your neighbors, State Farm has 40 million customers, call an agent. Well, I was one of those customers before I was kicked off for being too reckless a driver. So you can kiss my shiny metal ass, State Farm Insurance!
• The new iPhone commercials are killing me on the inside. Yes, I'd tell my baby daddy we were having our first child over the phone, since it has a cool new forward facing camera. And it would be totally easy to use sign language with one hand. I'm glad this phone exists to help me share all the most important moments in my life. Suck it, iPhone.
• I love the Old Spice commercials. I think that guy is hilarious. Not really a rant, more of a statement.

Weird Thought

I want to suck all the spiders in my house into my vacuum. And then leave them all in there in a survival of the fittest battle. I'd come back like a week later and see who won. Then I'd promptly kill that spider, as it's clearly a mutant.

Sorry Again

Sorry about the lack of posts. My life has been incredibly boring lately. And I've been ranting over the same old same old, nothing angry and new.

This Happened

I actually sat and watched an entire Larry the Cable Guy movie. And was cracking my shit up.

Still Hating People For No Reason

Or at least for shallow reasons. I truly hate Justin Bieber's face. And that stupid ass hair. Cut that shit off. Why do you have bangs? And his voice bugs me. I refuse to know anything else about him, otherwise I'm sure there would be more to hate.

Chicken

I played chicken with a baby bunny on my way home from work today. I won. The little furry bastard apparently didn't like a car barreling towards him. Nothing like pitting an SUV against a defenseless creature to grow some hair on your chest. And before anyone asks how I could possibly try to harm a cute little bunny (btw, I fucking hate bunnies), I'd like it to be noted that his ass had no business being in the street.